My response to the Daily Prompt Profound.

Profound, an adjective defined in three ways. A state, quality, or emotion very great or intense. A person or statement having or showing great knowledge or insight (a profound philosopher) or a subject or idea demanding deep study or thought. As a noun profound is defined as the deepest part of something, especially the ocean.

Until today I had no knowledge of what the English Dictionary’s definition was for profound, I have heard the word profound used in sentences when I’ve been the subject of conversation and when situations in my life that I had very little control are mentioned. Most of the time these conversations have happened when certain people in my family think that I’m not listening; usually I am listening and these are the moments when it hurts the most.

Being profoundly overweight, loosing my Mum at the age of fourteen had a profoundly negative effect on me and how I see the outside world, my completely non-existent and barely civil relationship with my brother has had a profound effect on my relationships with people. Being raised by my Granddad instead of my biological Dad has had a profound effect on me.

The profound effect these situations have had on my life and who I am as a person has been very intense in more negative than positive ways. Loosing my Mum to the bitch that is cancer at the age of fourteen effected me both positively and negatively; my weight soared upwards because I found comfort in the worst kind of foods.

My Granddad has told me on several occasions that he is very proud of the way I dealt with my Mum’s passing. After her passing I became like tempered steel, which means that through the days of watching her being ill and knowing that I would lose her I was mentally reshaped, like when a piece of steal is hammered into shape, and, in the same way steel is plunged into water to strengthen the reshaped metal, the aftermath of her death made me into a mentally tougher person. I can’t say that I know how or why that would be a good reason for him to be proud of me, but each to their own I suppose.

My barely non-existent and civil relationship with my brother has had a profoundly negative effect on any kind of relationship we might have in the future when we need each other the most. My brother and I had a fairly good relationship until I was seven-years-old and he ten-years-old, he started high school and became a very angry person almost over night. We spent more time yelling, screaming and avoiding each other like the plague than even trying to be friendly.

Despite him moving out of the family home last year, very little in our relationship has actually changed. Yes, we are civil with each other and I still love him because he’s my brother but I very much dislike him as a person.

I’m not a religious person in the slightest bit; but just because God gave me my relatives, doesn’t mean to say that I don’t thank God for allowing me to choose my friends.




2 thoughts on “Profound

  1. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. The fact that you have endured what you have at such a young age and clearly have come out the other side proves that you are a strong lady! And, for me anyway, there is something therapeutic about writing down your feelings, isn’t there? If you have a chance and are interested, I just posted the following article the other day under the word prompt ‘apology’. What you said about your brother, reminded me of it and my own sketchy relationship with my brother. Cheers:-).

    Liked by 1 person

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