My response to the Daily Prompt Maybe
Maybe, when I was younger the word maybe was something that I often said when I couldn’t or didn’t want to give my opinion on something. I used to be quite shy and didn’t think that my opinion really mattered; I still don’t sometimes. Saying maybe was my way out of having everyone’s attention focused on me.
It might sound like a cop-out but when you’re an overweight girl being invited to spend the day walking through clothes shops with very slim girls it’s not the most exiting option in the world. I’d rather spend the day hidden in the corner of a book shop, lost in a world of fantasy, crimes and thrillers.
In the last four years my reason for saying maybe changed to wanting to avoid talking about topics that I just wanted to avoid at all costs. The main topic I forever wanted to avoid was anything remotely related to me loosing weight; I didn’t want to talk about it because I knew at the time it didn’t matter what anyone said I wasn’t ready to take control of my compulsive binge eating. I wasn’t ready to deal with the emotions that I knew I could numb with food.
Maybe one day I’d be ready to deal with the emotions that were hidden with the food. Maybe one day I would be slim. Maybe one day I’ll finally feel happy, secure, and comfortable in my own skin. Maybe one day I’ll be proud of something I’ve achieved on my own. Maybe one day someone will love me for who I am instead of what I am.