Last night I made the mistake of thinking that someone would be able to help me with what I think is depression. I phoned my doctor’s office and was turned away for two reasons firstly, because of the Bank Holiday; the only way I’d be able to get an appointment would be to phone up on the day I wanted the appointment. And secondly, because the doctor’s office was three minutes away from closing for the weekend. I wasn’t asking to have an appointment that very minute, I just wanted to talk to someone who would know where I can get help because I want to know what is actually going on in my mind.

Because why would I want to spend the rest of my life wanting harm myself in some way? I’ve been depressed for about ten years without any help so what’s another eighty years without help? Yeah, I can see that ending really well.

I don’t want to have to rely on sleeping pills to get to sleep every single night. I don’t want to feel like I’m going to cry at any minute. I don’t want to hate myself. I don’t want to think about self-harming or killing myself. I don’t want to feel anger towards my family because of something I can’t control. I don’t want to think about how much better the world would be if I wasn’t in it anymore. I don’t want to isolate myself from my friends anymore.

I want to be able to feel normal for at least one day. Is that really too much to ask?


5 thoughts on “Mistake

  1. Depression is very dampening. I know cause I get easily depressed. In depression, you lose the interest in everything even living. You don’t feel happy. You remain sad for no apparent reason. Even if you try to be happy, you can’t.


  2. No it is not too much to ask. Perhaps you are looking in the wrong place. Jesus is available right now to talk to. Just call out his name and share how you feel. It may feel weird. You may not even believe but what have you got to lose?
    Right now you can have access to someone who will listen, someone who cares and someone who loves you. No need to make an appointment. He is waiting.

    Best wishes. I hope you will give it a try because my heart just goes out to you and I don’t believe I read this post by coincidence.


  3. A third party, such as counsellor, can be of great help…not sure how it works where you live, but see if you can find a Dr. who will best support you and make the necessary recommendations. You deserve to live a happy, fulfilling life simply for the fact that you are here. Best wishes to you!


  4. I have a college buddy that I saw at a race last year. We were jogging a cool down after the race. I think I was struggling in my mind a bit at that time, but I didn’t share that with him; however, strangely enough, he tells me, “You know, I mainly just do this for the mental aspect now. It helps keep me balanced”. So, I started to jog or walk a little bit on the regular after that day, and it has helped tremendously. Some days, it will only improve your mood a little, some days A LOT, but it always helps. I’m very thankful he shared that with me for whatever reason. I hope you can use it as well.


  5. I am feeling overwhelmed by a lot of things at the moment also.. I just want someone to ask if I’m ok.. even though I know that I’ll respond “I’m fine” .. I hope you find the answers soon. But if you need someone to talk to – maybe this person on the other side of the world who doesn’t know you or your situation can help 🙂


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