It’s been seventeen days since I last posted anything and I’m sorry. It’s no excuse but I have been on sleeping pills and antidepressants since the beginning of this month and I feel like I’ve been walking around in a daze ever since.
I’ve grown up in a time when having a diary or journal was a big deal; it was like a sacred book that teenage girls only shared their inner most thoughts with. They held secrets of teenage crushes, daydreams and silly little things that would probably make us cringe and wonder what we were thinking when we wrote the entries if we flicked through the pages ten years later. It was a book that no one else was ever allowed to read and was normally hidden in a draw, under the bed or under the mattress.
I was one of those girls who always bought a journal, with every intention of writing something, no matter how random, every day for as long as possible before it would be forgotten about in the chaos of everyday life. My journals always had a padlock and key on the side to keep my secrets safe, but the padlock would remain locked and the pages would remain ink free. I didn’t have the kind of attention span that could be dedicated to something like a journal when I was a kid.
I love being able to write my feelings down through my blog posts; but I want my blog to be more than just a world where I force myself to write something based on a random word. I want my blog to be a world where I share my life and my inner most thoughts; I want to be able to express myself in a way that can connect with people, I want to find something that could go towards helping to ease my mental health.
I’ve tried daily blogging before but it didn’t work out very well because I didn’t know what I wanted my blog to be or where I wanted it to take me, I didn’t know the first thing about blogging when I started. But now I feel like I’m ready to dedicate time to my blog and develop it into everything I want it to become.
Maybe using my blog as a journal will be my answer to that?