Apology

My response to the daily prompt Apology.

 

Dear Mum,

 

I’m sorry. It’s been nearly seven years since you left our family, and I haven’t been to see you since the funeral. Is that okay?

I know that I probably should because that’s what both Grandpa and my brother have done; but it doesn’t make me happy to go to your graveside and I know that you only want me to be happy. I don’t want to think of you as an object buried in the ground. Because you never were neither will you ever be just an object to me.

I’m sorry for how I behaved after you left my life. It was easier for me to bury every emotion because, despite knowing it would happen eventually, I didn’t want to believe that you’d really gone. There are no excuses, but I wanted to be the strong one for everyone, especially Grandpa because he was there when the spark left your eyes and your hands went cold.

You are the most amazing Mum anyone could have ever asked for, no one will ever be able to replace you as my Mum. You were the best friend I shared everything with, you gave me everything I wanted even when I didn’t really need it, and even when the cancer was at it’s worst, you didn’t let it ruin your last days on Earth as my Mum, you hid the pain with a bright smile because you just wanted us to be happy.

For every special occasion a mother and daughter are able to share, I won’t ever have the chance to share with you. My twenty-first birthday, the day I pick out my wedding dress, my wedding day, the day your grandchildren are born, every single Mother’s Day and birthday for the rest of my life. As hard as that is to swallow, I know that you’ll be there for me in spirit and I will always make sure that you are never forgotten about by the people who loved you the most. I promise I won’t let you down, Mum.

I love you, Mum.

From your still grieving daughter,

Gennie